I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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