Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
