New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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