people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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