I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
