i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
