Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
