My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
