Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
