How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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