I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
