i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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