I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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