you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
