don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
