if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
