Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
