if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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