i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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