She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
