Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
