I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
