also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
