She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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