Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
