Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
