Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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