What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
