I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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