I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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