Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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