I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize