just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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