My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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