I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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