i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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