I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
where does the pee come out of this thing
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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