Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
