someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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