A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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