I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
