You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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