I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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