Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
