You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
