it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
