i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
