I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
