how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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