About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
