Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
