I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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