Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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