Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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