I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize