weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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