i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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