I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
