I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
