So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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