hotel room ftw
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
