chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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