That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
