I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
