id be glad to
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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