apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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