i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
