quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize