i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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