I just pynch a tree in the face
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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