google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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