New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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