apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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