Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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