All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
