It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My life is pants optional.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
