i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
