Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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