just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
