mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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