Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
