I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
