I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
